Were going to New Oreans! Yeahhh I'm so excited. I have never been to New Orleans. We get to stay with a good friend of the girl so no lodging costs. She just talked to her and her friend is excited about us coming. Just have to save for spending. This will be our first vacation in over a year. Someday we will be able to take a full week or two off and do a real, real vacation. Until then 4 days in New Orleans will be good.

Feeling slightly better after that rant. Smiling helps customers be nicer even if they do all suck. I gots ta remember that.

Every customer today is in a shitty mood and is taking it out on me. It's sunny it's saturday and I'm at a low paying techmill job where everybody is treated like highschoolers.

I soooo do not belong in a customer service line of work. I'm such a smart ass. I can't help it if someone is being a dumbass I want to call them on it. It's my nature. If a customer calls up and is mad because we don't have access to passwords(security reasons). I am going to tell them that should have bloody well written it down. And to be working at a place that blocks and monitors where we surf is just fucked. In order to have a job I have allow big brother to watch my every move. Isn't it enough to be able to monitor productivity? If I'm doing my job and doing my job well why the fuck do they care where I go on the net? Found a way around the blocks for now. I didn't even want to go to some of these sights until they got blocked. I so want to get out of here. My tech skills are better than this and I hate people. When all your customers are idiots and all your co-workers have room temp iq your hope in humanity goes plumetting and any like of people goes zipping away. Why bother doing anything that helps anyone other than yourself the efforts will just get pissed on and pissed out anyhow. Going to go play video games on work time to get out some aggresion now.

tech support call- what i wish I could say:

customer: I lost my password and need the info for the smpt server.

Me: the smpt server smpt.mail.com. We don't have any access to password for security reason. You can call customer service back on monday and they can reset your password.

Customer: this is unacceptable.. blah blah blah.

Me: You just completly pissed me off, do you really want me to have access to your password? Do you know what I could do to you if I had access to your password?

Customer: uhhh... I want to be able to get access to my e-mail I'm important and my buisness blah blah blah.

Me: your a nobody. No.. your a dumbass and there is nothing I can do. You should have written down your password in the first place. If you don't like our policies you can file a complaint with the complaint dept on mon. click

work can block my launch radio but they can't burst my blog bubble(for now) hehehe.

Love my online unix class(with exception of one whiner student) Wish I could reach it from work. At least I can read between calls. No telnet and no online class access. phhhlpt.

Starting work on cool new project pdxbloggers.com. Idea was stolen direct from newyorkbloggers.com. Should be super cool. If you have a blog send me a link to your blog and the location of your closest max or bus stop I will add it to the map. It will probably be awhile til I get this up. I don't even have a webhost yet.

I am reposting this link because it is good. Very good and think as many people need to see it as possible(thanks lex)
Getting Serious

went to read blogs of friends but know one had updated. Then again neither had I. Read blog of the girl. woow, sooo depressing. She doesn't act that depressed. KInda scary. Either she gets it out there or she holds it in well. I can't help but worry. Guess reading my own is not so uplifiting either though.

Got to buy two material things this week. One was weird one was dumb. Went and bought me a new cell phone

This started out of sure want for pretty shiny electronic gadget that I can download music onto and use music as a ringers. Yes ringers i can assign 1 per phone number... so cool. It also is in color and can download animated gifs for screen savers and dif pics for wallpapers. I have to say though there are some features that my pda had that are actually really helpful and make me an orgaizing machine. like a date book that i can sync with my computer and set reminder alarms. What started out a pure frivolous thrill has become quite handy. In fact I'm starting to rely on it like I did my palm V before I gave it up.

And a note to anyone who has a cell phone. Don't buy the phone accesories from your wireless provider store or mall kiosk. Go to target. You will save yourself immense amounts of money. Car chargers are 8 dollars.

The other new purchase was a dryer. We have been needing one since the dryer fire 2 months ago and have loooked at a few diferent dryers so this wasn't a total instant decision. But we walked into Lowe's(like home depot but cheaper) to look at flooring and a dryer. We ended up finding the dryer we needed with a little ding in it so it was in our price range. So we got it. Seems like such a huuuuge decision to make so quick. But then again buying an appliance in my little history as a renter is huuuge. Let alone a brand new appliance, wow! Home owners insurance is reimbursing roughly half of this which is good and makes the whole buying an appliance thing less scary. Can't wait do laundry tonight. hehe
talking bout appliances and depression should I be writing country songs?

I read stuff, and see stuff and read other blogs but am sooo unispired to blog lately. I got shifted to t-s 10-7 shift. Makes it easier to socialize and see the girl. Takes away any inspiration to compute after starting at a glaring screen for 8 hours a day. work, home, eat, tv(or go to friends).

I am taking am signed up for web based unix class. Can't wait for it to start. I already read the first chapter of the book. Sick of being disposable employee, going back to networking track seems to be what I am good at and easy enough to take classes and work full time. Hopefully I can gather enough knowledge to get network internship and eventually take test to get some of thos horribly over priced computer certs.

Spent today find ways around surf blocking software so I could view pages I wanted. I work in half cubes with heavy survalience of all activitiy. I bet I would get in trouble if I ran to the can to often. I am a worker drone. If I left they would have 500 apps to replace me. This is further motivation to learn more stuff and get the hell out of here.

AC broke, it's hot in here. I'm tired and I want to go home.

Despite all whining life is reletivly ok. No it's pretty good. I want fancy moterola phone with fancy ring tones and sleep. I get sleep but probably not phone, have to buy school credits first. Feel like I'm in zelda maze. Will be happy when school starts.

I was so pissed off last night. So called peace protester blocking traffic and keeping me from going home. I think there was supposed to be a point to blocking the freeway. I know what it was but I can guarentee the only that got through was that "hippies are idiots"
I have to say I was thinking about the same last night when I wanted to get home. fucking hippies. Not that I hate hippies per se. Just that I wanted to get home and they were making me want to run them over with my gas guzzelling truck. If they are trying to get people to see their point and side with them it's not working.

And then there are the anarchists. They think the word anarchy means breaking shit. Dumb ass kids I need to beat them with 10000 Emma Goldman books.

I am surrounded by pro war folks at work. I just keep my trap shut, but that is where I get my feed back. And I can tell you the protests are doing nothing more than acting as a staging grounds for angry peacniks to vent. PRetty selfish if there is supposed be a point other than for selfish venting. Ok so the point got out to the world, ya don't want the war. And your all idiots. Congrats you just proved to Rush Limbah and all the other conservatives extactly what they have been saying all along and gave them more fuel for the fire. Nice way to support the cause(sic.

Oh yeah fear was replaced by anger. And then mear depresion, then hopelessness and most of the time by la dee da living my life. This was is not eff3ecting my life expect when protesters block the highway and keep me from getting food. And having to pay 30/tank for gas.

Is anyone else worried about retaliation to war on US soil?
I am terrified.
and THEN there is the threat of the US gov't on us if we go on red alert.

I'm fucking terrified. You know that feeling when you have a scraper in your vagina during a pap smear or a cold pen up your urethra? Yeah that is what my stomach feels like right now, all the time. I want to sell the house and get the fuck out of this country...Now!

This is a great idea for plan to avert war(thanks ann). It probably wouldn't work at this point but it a terriffic idea.

Read the whole story here


Create a U.N. trusteeship in Iraq, not after the war, but before it. That's right--take the U.N. plan for administering a postwar Iraqi government that was unveiled last week and implement it right now, with Saddam still alive. Instead of tripling the number of inspectors, as the French proposed, increase the number of U.N. officials on the ground in Iraq by twenty-fold. Fly two dozen planeloads of U.N. employees--experts in civil administration--into Baghdad. Fan them out across the city into every ministry and military installation --that should block a U.S. attack. Meanwhile, leave Saddam alone--wherever he is--and start running his government. Marginalize him.

For some additional wise words check out this paper written by one of my cousins below

--Peace out--

My thoughts are with you fam and friends
give your loved ones extra hugs [Read More!]

Link of the day Be sure and scroll down all the way to the bottom of this page and click more fun with Bush.

That link sure turned my mood around.

music, what ever is playing on 3wk underground radio
annoying animation:

I'm for some reason avoiding learning more cgi-script. Brain filled up. Hope I keep learning. And actually learn linux and on to networking. This slacker job is going to get old fast. Thinking about. no can't say it or someone else might do it. Note to self. start notebook of cool ideas that need carried out. Ok think monster garage but with computers. yeahhh!

Music is limited behing a firewall. My fave little college stations are unavailble from back here.

Burger craving is gone. Two mediocre burgers is more than my meatless gut can handle. looking forward to really good pizza from this place called vincente's tonight. Best pizza in town in my opinion. The word gormet comes to mind if pizza can be gormet.

Brain is obviously dead tonight. Work is going soooo slow. This tends to happen when I'm looking forward to somthing really exciting as I am with Margret Cho tomorow night. Going to wear my assmasster shirt. If you know cho you get the joke. Nuff rambling for tonight. Just feel the need to post more often even if I'm not saying much.

skip to the next header if dreams bore you.

I don't normally write about dreams but this one was particularly pesky. I was taking a nap on the couch and kept dreaming about waking up. Each time I would wake up somthing would be diferent, shower stall behind the couch, window in a diferent place, neighbors house in a diferent place, neighbors watching me sleep. The only thing that stayed the same was that it was 11:00am and I needed to wake up to get ready for work. And I was really bleary eyed and bumping into walls.
Then I would wake up and whew that was an annoying dream and start about my day with some other scenario. So I was dreaming that I dreamt that I was waking up from an annoying series of dreams over and over and over again. A dream within a dream within a dream etc. Man am I glad I woke up. My favorite scenario was the shower stall directly behind the couch with the couch back pushed up to the opening. So I woke turned around, opened the shower curtain and hopped in the shower. One of the dogs hopped in with me. Yeah like that would happen.

You are artistic, a bit whimsical, and less iconic
than the train on the other side of the Park.
Others may see you as an odd conglomeration of
new and old-fashioned ideas, but you realize
that's part of your charm.


Which New York City subway line are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I'm addicted to silly quizes.

A sad day has come. The crazy goose that charges me on my walks through the park has been "taken to a farm". Now you would think I would be glad about this but I kinda like this goose. You could stare her down and she would stop charging. She had guts. Kids tormented her, people were mean to her so she fought back. And hey it's funny to get chased by a goose. I can only hope she really is happily charging around a farm. Guess I came to think of her as a friend in a way. She will be missed.

Went to this burger joint last night that was supposed to be the best of portland. It was nominated best of by citysearch two years in a row(see if I trust them again). So I was expecting somthing really good. A big fat juicy burger with all the fixins and barely enough bun to cover it all. Umm yeah the veg thing is out the window. I was very disapointed. This was mostly lettace and tomato and dressing with a thin dry patty in the middle and waaaay to much bun left over. Bah! and it did not kill my burger craving. Went to Carl's jr to kill the craving and got another half ass lame burger. Planning on going to Katie O'brians this weekend for a big fat yummy juicy bleu cheese bacon cheeseburger. Katie's knows how to make a good burger.

yeahh I'm not sick anymore! Cold barely hung on for a week. I think I out slept it.

http://organizedhome.com/grandplan/

Finally settled in and came down with this cold that's been going around. Made myself my voodoo tea last night. Think I put to much chili pepper in it cause my throught hurt today. Spilled about half of it on the counter so I didn't get the full dose. Will try again tonight without the pepper. It's the level of sick that makes your head swimmey and unable to concentrate. But not sick enough to not go to work. Looking forward to a bubble bath in the dark when I get home. Lights are aggrivatings and almost hurt my head.

voodoo-4 cloves garlic, cayenne pepper or a dried pepper, sliced ginger. 4-5 thin slices, honey and lemon(plenty-enough to make it palettable). Steep everything but honey and lemon for 6-10 minutes. Then add lemon and honey. This should be slightly painful to drink(wait til it's closer to room temp) but not intolerable. Slug it down and get ready to sweat. Works to get rid of most colds if you catch em at the begining.

Taught myself cribbage these past couple of days. What a fun game. Confusing but fun.

Sims online is lacking in some stuff like the ability to have a real buisness where people pay you to get in. And you don't get jobs you do annoying things like telemarket or make pizza to earn money. I wanted to be able to walk from house and buisness to buisness. But you have to click where you want to go and go right there. I was also hoping that ocean would be swimable and surfable, but alas it is just out of bound pixels that look pretty.
It is however, highly adictive. Just started my own Brothel. My Sim is a male ho. My roomate is the mistress of the house.

That's it for today, it's time to go home. yeahhh!

Blogs are now being used a way to spot trends by doing searches for buzz words. How accurate do you suppose this really is? Isn't this limited to just trends of bloggers or can it accuatly reflect the outside world? click here for more info
Quite interesting.

At work, I'm exhausted and i wanna go home.
Went out with a friend last night to a tiki bar.
Helped get her smashed because of job loss due to recent state measure 28 not passing. She was case worker for social services places helping the mentally ill. The impacts of this are going to be HUUUGE. Many folks losing jobs. And uncountable numbers of severly mentally ill folks losing medicine and mental health care. 300 case loads from my friends work alone. Looks like there will be 1000's of severely mentally ill folks losing meds and case workers in portland alone. They will probably end up on the streets. Not to mention folks losing disability(one friend cut to 250/month and no medicine money) and folks with hiv losing medicine money and health care. Costs about 1500/month for hiv meds. There is much, much more that will be impacted beacause of this measure not passing. Those things I just listed are just a little tiny piece of sand in the sand pie my friends. Things are going to get really fucked up around here soon. All because of greed. The measure barely didn't pass. I can't say I was surprised. People are really fucking greedy.

In the midst of getting drunk I decided I needed to get a cigar. I have been off cigs since Nov 2000. I smoked 3 puffs off a cig 3 or 4 weeks ago and it took 2-3 weeks for cravings to go away. But decided cigars are ok. Yeah they are ok at making me feel like shit. It was fun smoking it. But to big for me. I usually share when I smoke a stoggie. But there was no-one to share it with and if you put out a stogie and re-lite it tastes like shit. So I felt obligated to smoke at least 90% of it since I paid good money for it. And now, I swear I have a cigar hangover today. And the smell of smoke even just on people's cloths makes my stomach turn. Don't think I'll be doing that again any time soon. You would think I would be old enough to know better by now. heheh.

After the bar went home with mouth tasting like an ashtray and fell asleep playing sims online(review later) at 3 am.
Slept horribly because of the most vivid nightmears I have ever had. Never dreamt with sound and color before. It was intense and horrible. Woke with a pit of fear in my stomach.

Despite all the crap it was a good night overall. I would do it again. Nope guess I never learn.

Migraine Boy's last two posts are really good

Feeling that twang of anger coming back every so often again. This is good. At this point I am feeling totally hopeless about this entire war situation. There is nothing we can do. If there isn't a reason for war Bush will make one up and start a war. What really irk's me is the fact that many innocent people are going to die over this. Many that don't even want the war. And these higher threats, although probably just media hype, actually have me scared. And if Bush hadn't started all these fucking threats against other countries. We COULD actually be in peaceful situation right now. What ever, guess we just have to get on with our lives till we get bombed for Bushes bullshit causes.
Fucking asshole shouldn'tbe dragging us into his pissing contest. Ok enough of that.

Glad to see everyone else is still pissed off bout things. Because I don't really have the motivation right now.
It's not that I'm not pissed, it's just that I feel numb. I can't let myself even think about it for more than 60 seconds at a time. Guess I have shut down. There is nothing we can do to stop this stupid fucking war so hum de dum hope we all don't die because the pres needed somthing to pump up the size of his dick.

Realizing that my motivation goes to bed with the girl. As long as she is awake, there is cleaning to do and this to do and that to do and her to talk to. Not that she nags, cause she doesn't. She is just always puttering so it motivates me. When she goes to sleep I have no idea what to do with myself. And sitting at a computer is not the thing after working at one for 8 hours a day.

Need to learn to entertain myself long enough to stay up late enough that I don't zonk out on the 2nd half of my night shift. It will get easier. This is the first week.

And I thought I had nothing to say. haha

Trying to keep my eyes open. Didn't realize I would have to adjust to this shift. Night shift used to be what my body does. I need to stay up late so I can sleep late and be awake at the end of my shift instead of getting bleary eyed by 7:30pm. What to do, what to do? Everyone I know is tucked in bed or doing homework at this hour. I'm sure it will take no time to adjust back to night shift.
I will miss noon lunch, there is no one in the lunch room at night to taunt.

I am trained for 3 things at this job. Only one is in my dialer. That thing ends at 5. My shift goes til 9. I was able to switch to doing DSL support from 5-9 by logging in as someone else so the possibility of taking calls was there. However my skill level is at the lowest so I only get calls when eveyone else is already busy. I got to struggle through 2 calls today. One was assisted. (Boy do I need to hone up on my DSL and network knowledge again). Suffice to say it was a looong 4 hours. But I'm sure it will get better.

It is still really nice to be back in techland

hope ya'll could follow that. I tend to ramble when tired.

Just went to see Igby Goes down.
It was bitter, and demented. I loved it.
I read one review for it that said "this movie was made with the presumption that you have a brain. It was great but don't get used to it."
Good review for that movie.

On the way home from the movie I spotted a license plate frame that said "Kenedy Space Center" along the top.
Along the bottom it said "Failure Is Not An Option"

My shift at work was switched to 12-9 from 8-5. My body will love this because I am truly a night person and am in NO way a morning person. My heart will hate this because i will only really have time to hang out with the Girl on the weekends. She works days.

My new favorite hobby is brining up political topics in the lunch room then sitting back and watching the battle and throwing in the occasional taunt to keep it interesting.


That's all for now. I want to try to keep these short. Or at least shorter than they had been.

You wouldn't think of him as being a Tech support guy at first glance. He looks like biker that got in a gene splicing accident with a geek. You would think of the type of guy you see at dark smoky bar sitting in the corner. Or hanging out in an alley with a knife in his boot waiting for it's next victim. But would more likely find him slugging coffee or booze on the floor of a dark smoky living room playing video games.

He is the cowboy of tech support. He is Five two but ya don't notice. His demeanor is at least 5'9". He is 22 and 40 at the same time. His brown shinny hair is tucked behind his ears and hangs out in clumps on the collar of his red dragon kimono button up dress shirt. His voice is the sound of the smoke that is released from the 2 packs a day he inhales. His acne scarred face both hides and blends with hair, mutton chops, a goatee and large round glasses. He reclines in his office chair with one leg on the ground and one tucked up underneath him. He types in bursts between sips of coffee that will never see the bottom of a cup. And when he is not typing he is up pacing, pushing his hair back off his face, and motioning emphatically in the air as he talks. The cowboy doesn't have to listen to the full long drawn out details of what happened to the computer when bobby sue did this and then I did this. The cowboy knows what is wrong after a brief start of a description cut short by one or two questions and in no time after, the solution in one short, confident exact sentence that can not be wrong. In fact wrong can't even come to mind because the cowboy will not let it even come to the tip of the mind. What is tha....never mind. When it comes to tech support, the cowboy has turned it into an art form of flowing, jerky words and motion that would resemble a lone Harley traveling down a dirt road with pot holes at high-speed. Fluid and confident yet jolted. --Cowboy TS

by samiamsam

Things I love: Terry Pratchet Books on Tape
Having a half way decent job

Stuff buggin me: politcal stuff. Don't feel like ranting right now though.

I work 8-5 which sucks. By the time I get home I'm exhausted and end up falling asleep by 8:30 then actually getting up off the couch and going to bed around 10:30 or 11:00pm. I am sooo not a morning person. The idaea of getting up around eight is crazy let alone being to work by then. I keep being assured that I will adjust. Think it took me a year to adjust to being to work by nine. Scared to think how long it will take to adjust to 8am.

It really feels good to be back to work in the tech world though. So 8am is a compromise worth making.

I am supporting two diferent lines of products one is supporting speakers and the other is a whole slew of periphreals from keyboards for pda's and mice to cd/dvd players and buisness card scanners. It's fun. I really forgot how thick headed people can be. I'm not talking tech stuff hear either. Like common sense stuff.

Went to a retirement village south of Tuscan last weekend to visit my grandmother. I love AZ it is beautiful but wow does the stuff suck that we do when there. No flavor buffet lunches, and yuppified mexican food from a resort called Rio Rico and again at an indian gaming casino. The weird part is my dad and step mom are really into the crappy yuppy food to. The trip is really more about seeing my Grandmother so that is ok. And I got to see my sis for a bit to. Played many, many hours of scrabble. I did get to go to a place called Tumacacari which has some of the best hot sauces and cool hard to find spice blends ever. Love that!

Ok more later, all ya'll 3 people that read this are caught up now.

it's weird not having access to a computer anytime I want. Especially since I work on one all day.

Walked out of the telemarketing job the second day on the phones. My sole was being sucked away.

Then, the following Mon I landed a tech support job. No time for details right now but I can definatly say I am where I belong. And gOD it's good to be back!! i must be geek to the core because I felt like I'd come home the first day in the tech support office.

I'm on lunch right now. More later

I keep trying to tell myself this in my head over and over.
telemarketing training makes me grumpy. Poor girlfriend offers to cook me dinner but I am to grumpy to figure out what I want. So I made myself a screwdriver.
And the real job hasn't even started yet.
God I hope somthing better comes through. No sign of an unemployment check yet either. I could just collect and not work, but I'm not secure enough about having a job when it runs out. So I will take what I can get and collect the diferenece.

The lack of brain capacity in my co-workers is astonishing. I think I can actually hear the recirculated air whipping through their ears when no one is blowing hot air of their own. Scariest thing is, these in-bred rednecks are excited about this shit job.

Did I mention that I have to commute about 30 miles south to a suberb for work? That is how bad the Portland economy is. To get a job you have to commute to the suberbs.

The first person I talked to their told me about her husband breaking her arm, and having a surgury to put her not funny bone in the side of her arm. She left him to live in her car. Then she told me about pulling her glock 40 on a road rager and threatning to sick her dog on him. She also made sure I know that she has concealed weapons permit. I would to if I had an ex like hers. 4 have a military background and most have barely finished HS(not that school makes you smart or dumb)

Here are some exact quotes from the mouths of my esteemed colleagues:

"Is Mexico in region one or region two of the Mexico calling plan.?"

Talking about international plans
"What country is Moscow in?"

More of that later.

Two hens sitting in the back talking shit took me back to high school enough to cause nightmears about old enimies from middle school and high school.

It could be worse, it could be worse, it could be worse.

Its been since before x-mas since I have last ranted.

X-mas was fine. nothing bad happened and I got to use my uncle's power tools to make a skateboard deck. The girel got the house a dvd player and a dvd. yeaaaahhhh.

New Years was nice. stayed home and watched 2 hour Buffy the Vampire slayer special and then a movie. New Years is somthing I usually try to make fun and ends up being a flop. The one party invite we got sounded like it would be a pretentious hipster party. And it is not worth it to pay cover for the lame ass bars in this town. So home we stayed. It was great.

Got a job telemarketing. This should motivate me to throw in as many extra applications out there as I can. Worst case I get stuck staying in telemarketing and switch to the closer office that only takes inbound calls.

Nothing numbs the brain like job hunting. Stimuli for journaling is at a minimum. Not a having a computer job factors in as well. I have to notch out time for this now.

I should be getting unemployment again to make up for lag in telemarking pay. This is good.

Things I love! The game: Trailer Park Tycoon
Winter Solstice food


Had a last minute winter solstice ritual last night. Or rather I loaned my back yard out for a ritual last night and joined in. I have never been big into anything so ritualistic or remenisent of religion. But this was nice because it was so much just about the welcoming of winter. There was some talk of Gods, Goddesses and Fairies that wasn't me, but that was easy to ignore. The circle itself was a very earthly, calming experience.

We sang a couple "solstice carols" too. These were christmas carols and christmas carols with words changed for Pagan purposes. They claimed they were originally Pagan songs. Any one know the origin of Christmas carols? God rest ye marry Pagan folk, joy to the world and silent night were what we sang. How bout the origin of presents. Is that really pagan too?

Tomorrow I leave to celebrate x-mas with the fam. Feeling much better about it now though. I feel like I got to celebrate my own holiday last night.

This is one of the coolest mods I have ever seen.
How perfect is that for work conditions? Just need to get the case mod server fridge and the toilet chair, drop a microwave nearby somewhere and there is no need to do that pesky walking thing again except maybe to go the sleep chamber for the occasional recharging process for ultimate functionality.

To see how this Mod was done Go here

To see other cool case mods Go Here

uh oh. I always get sucked in by those stupid online tests(yes frank, I'm obsessed) that tell you which sleater kinney member you are, or what city you are. Or my fave, what vertigo comic book character you are. Jane, LosAngeles and Destiny. This time it was the keirsey and meyers-briggs personality tests. These are actual acredited psychology tests(for what ever that's worth) I took them both cause I wanted to be sure. heh. The above were the results. I know results can change. And they have but then changed back to INFp. I Was I-(borderline E)NTP. Guess the idealist is me. Sounds more touchy-feely than me as well as more black and white. Good and evil is a farce(although I am sposed to say that to).

Wanna torcher yourself too? Keirsey test
for fun tests Click Here
------------
Found another website description of INFP that is much more positive. It calls INFP's "the healer" of which both Albert Schweitzer and Anne Lindbergh both were. It also compare's INFP's to Joan of Arc or the prince or princes in a fairy tale. Again pretty idealistic descriptions, but at least more positive. That makes me feel better.
-----------

The girl told me to put this in:

Had a job interview today that I thoroughly screwed up. I was talking along, talking myself up when I heard the word "ass" slip out of my mouth as in "I would phrase it in less of a smart ass way"

I froze.

I could almost hear the air being sucked out of my balloon.

stalled.

I almost just stopped the interview "stepped out of character" and said I just screwed this whole interview up didn't I?"

But I didn't. The next pharase was

"that sounded kinda smarty pants"

sigh....oh well this was the for the prestigious job of getting buisness credit card customers to agree to lower their percentage rate on their card, annoying.
He said it was credit card customer service but I heard what the others in the office were doing. If calling buisness owners to harang them is a service than they must be the salvation mother fucking army. And I must be mother teresa. I go do a "service" to buisness owners by buying there shit every day.

Rant

And for anyone out there that has told anyone to get a job. Quit your job now and go find a fucking job. Job hunting is hard, hard work. I could never do a job where I had to put on a fake smile everyday and pretend I'm nice only to be rejected over and over again like I'm having to do to job hunt. I would kill someone. Oh yeah, I almost did as a barista serving self righteous, self-serving good for nothing west-side yuppy fucks.

-there needs to be an upside down for the dreamer, healer that realizes that people inherently suck and give a description for that. yep my pic would go right there.
Ok in reality I think people are changeable(through much effort) in positive and negative ways.

Ok enough out of me-haha this was going to be a short entry, yeah right.

Thinking of changing the name of this blog to verbal masterbation since that's what it(and any other blog)are. what da ya think?

Every one is in evil x-mas shopping mode.
no one is updating blog. ack
people that are blogging are blogging bout x-mas.

I am in the midst of job hunting.
here are some of the very prestigious jobs I have applied for:

market researcher(phone surveys)
fruit basket assembly
customer service/kennel attendent/dog bather
customer service/admistrative(in many variations)
deliver driver(pizza and big truck)

shit i need to call dominos back.

still haven't got psu grades back which will determine if I get to go to school next turn. If I got a D in art history I get finacial aid and get to go to school. if I get an F fiancial aid is ganked and work 40/hours a week at shit pay shit job.

So apply I apply for everything and suss it out later.

I have nothing inteligent to say or any interesting to look at either. JOb hunting is now eating my life.

I must have slept for 10 hours the first night after the final was over and 12 hours the next. Making up for a whole term of lost sleep in
two nights.

I rented 3 movies and have only watched one of them so far. If you haven't watched 8 legged freaks yet, I highly recommend it. My sides are still sore from laughing so hard.
There hasn't been a good "B" animal or insect take over movies since the early eighties(and yes I saw archnophobia).
I am finding job hunting is taking over my life again so I don't have time to relax. Even finding a menial 8/hr job is hard. I hope to god I get at least a D in art history so I can go to school next term. I don't know how I would find enough work to support myself. And my last day of work at the school help desk is today. It won't open back up until Jan 5. No job=no income. I don't have parents or enough finacial aid to make it through school breaks with out work. I HAVE to find work. I hate how fragile my ego is. I know it's the economy. But somehow it feels like a personal failure that I am having such a time finding work. And If I don't get to go back to school then I dont' get student help desk job back either. I am seriously considering going to sell my plasma tomorow. Ouch!

I'm recovering from yesterday. Stayed up til 3am finishing a final project. I was already short on sleep, so I suffered all day. At one point I freaked(panic attack) which happens when short on sleep. Felt like everyone was laughing at me or picking on me. Basiclaly felt like every one was out to get me.

It's funny, the first thing I want to do when I feel like this is curl up in front of the tv in fetal position and hide. Until then I never recognized tv as a comfort thing. But I guess it is. It makes a good escape. I hate recognizing this, I want to try and pretend I have better things to do than watch tv, or that I am too smart to watch tv. I hate to admit(really, really hate to admit), eeeehhhh....huuuuh, that I like tv. Certain, very specific shows give me great pleasure in watching. Dumb silly shows like Dharma and Greg, Will and Grace, Boston Public and of course cartoons.


I am letting myself admit this because of an observation of a friend who talks about his love of food and video games and movies and is not apologetic, he just loves the simpler things. And he really seems to enjoy life. So here's to the simpler things in life.

I can't wait til this final is over tonight so I can rent 8 movies and watch them all in 2 days. I love doing that. Hope I can find a job so I can just work and goof off during winter break. Do some art projects, play video games and watch tv and movies. My brain is turning off.

For somthing interesting to look at go to:

Earth as Art; GPS satelite photos in a new light.(yanked from frank provo-thanks)

I think my favorites are:

Terkezi Oasis Chad
Iraqi Emplacement
and Lena Delta, Russia

I'm still here. Suffering through finals and trying like hell to salvage what is left of my Art HIstory grade.
I can not wait until this term is over. I am never going to try and take on this much at once again. Full time school and part time work is tooo much. This will be all over Tuesday.

So, until then--Cheers

I just discovered a great jewish latino band called Hip Hop Hoodios Learn more about them here and Watch one of their videos here

Just got back from colinzation day with family. It was great to see the fam. Wish I could have stayed longer but I have a paper to write(still). Anyhow it was a good holiday, I ate a lot of good food.

We lit the first candles and exchanged the first Hanukkah presents. Tomorow we are having some friends over for latkas. I am liking this Hanukkah thing.

Cheers and happy holidays all.

hope you can all find some way to make this dismal torturous consumer season tolerable. For me it's trying to ignore it and not listen to or watch commericial anything.

Nov 27

Hell Ya!

This is the link of the day, the link of the week, hell I would even go so far as to say it's the link of the year.
Click read and pass it on. This is the only thing that is ok to forward in an e-mail,...ever

here is a great link from yesterday that wouldn't post because IE kept crashing: Your Tivo thinks your gay

And here is a good one on internet stability. This is stating the obvious: centralization causes instablity:internet Instability

"In its early days the net was as decentralised, as possible with multiple links between many of the nodes forming it. If one node disappeared, traffic could easily flow to other links and route traffic to all parts. If that hub gets blocked many rural towns may end up losing access to the net."

tech slaves
"Hi-tech workplace no better than factories
The hi-tech workplace is a modern "software mill" with staff feeling lonely and working long hours, a study has found."

If you have worked any kind of tech job, you would read this and utter one word....Duuah. If not it's informative.
So glad there is news to let me know about the testoterone sword fights in the tech world and how shitty and long the hours are and how isolated I felt when working these hours. I never would have figured that out. In the hay day it was cooshy, at the end it was a grave yard of people attempting to do the work of 3-5 with little or no management.

For those of you that are into anarchy, give this a try and you will quickly change your mind. For anarachy to work people have to be naturally good. They are not, people are evil and anarchy will only work when humans are extinct.

The US isn't far from this: 33 jailed in China for expressing themselves on the net.
You know about those un-american, terrorist peace protestors don't you? And watch out for those hideous thought crimes.

These are my links of the day. Please click on each of them. It's a quick free way to help out.

       .

umm yeah. remember that vegan thing? That didn't even last a day. Lebanese food tempted me with evil yummy yogurt sauce and I forgot I was being vegan til the yogurt sauce was half gone. In order to actually have that work I think I need to plan that ahead for it to work. So consciously binge on pizza or some yummy dairy thing and know in my mind that that will be my last dairy for a bit.
Last attempt was spontaneus. To quit smoking and quit meat I had to plan in order to make it work. But I'm not really into it anymore. The vegan thing was going to be an experiment. I don't really even agree whole heartedly with the reasons for going vegan. Oh well, it got me off pizza. And as long as I don't start getting weekly to biweekly pizza cravings again I'm good to go.

ok, i don't think I wil be able to keep up the outside the bubble thing. Takes to much time and I later realized some of the stories were the same in and out of the US. It's all mainstream press. I will continue to scan non-us indie news but will only post somthing if it seems exceedingly interesting, the slant is totally dif from US news or it really pisses me off.

I looked up immigration laws for Canada. It's not as hard as I thought to at least get work permit, but still hard.
I scored 30 out of 75 points needed for immigration.
I want to get the FuCk out of this country and away from that moron dictor who calls himself a president.

I'm adding The Onion to my links. I forgot how funny it is.

Searched my blog for the word fuck. I sure swear a lot. Oh well I can't censor myself. Althogh it's hard not to now that I know a couple people are actually reading this thing.

Things that annoy me:

- Short papers that are hard to write.
- Procastinating short papers because they are so
ovewhelming.
- Missing seeing a first class jazz bassist for free
because of school work.
- the need for money
- paying more money in taxes than I am going to make this
year
- The office of homeland security
- trouble finding a second job

Things I dig:

- Sunny, cool fall weather
- Taking the dogs to the park with the girl
- being in school

This is so great! So true:

"The US government is failing to counter the fact that ''around the world, from Western Europe to the Far East, many see the United States as arrogant, hypocritical, self-absorbed, self-indulgent, and contemptuous of others''"

I highly reccomend you read the whole article

Outside the Bubble

They caught the Bali bomber and got a confession from him

People killing each other over election in Kenya
And many americans don't even vote


Violent Riots in reaction to Ms. World:

This is a story of some controversy before the paegent and riots.
women sentenced to stoneing death for adultry But doesn't want anyone to boycott the ms. world contest

Here is a story about the riots themselves
Riots over Ms. World Paegent


Haha sorry kiwis i have to include this:
Troublesome sheep
New Zealand has many many sheep and I guess sometimes things get a bit wooly. (eewwwww ouch)


Anyone that knows of good sources for news from a non-US perspective, please let me know.

I have been becoming more aware of my bubble the past few days. I hate it. Even listening to NPR and KBOO(pdx leftie, indie station) I know am getting news that is very narrowly U.S focused. So I have been reaching out to news from other countries. I prefer indy news but main stream news from other countries is more informative than US (not)news here.

I hung out on diferent message boards and chat rooms on iraq.net and other interlinked mid-east web sites. It is really interesting to see what's going on and hear what people are thinking in other parts of the world.

I also joined Amnesty International and got lots of good info from a booth called Palestinians for peace

I want to include a quote from an amnesty international site about how americans have no idea self-centered and self absorbed they are. But I can't find it. need sleep

As a result I have decided to start a section of this blog that features news from around the world from a non-US perspective. But not tonight. I'm to sleepy to think.

I almost forgot. quitnet if you really wanna quit. It's a free quit smoking community and it saved my life-literally(thanks kat for reminding me)

I think the two entries from migraineboy'sblog and this story snagged from katlog pretty much cover it for me today. blogged down has some interesting info but to heady for me today.

AHHHH please click help and call these numbers and send e-mail. These poor dogs really need help NOW!

I can think of so many things to say when I have no time to post. so here goes. went to the peace rally it was big and good. But barely any news coverage. There were no dumb shit wanna be anarchists fucking things up. There was a pre-rally march with no permit. They all marched permitless and went into the justice building.

so what did they prove? they can march with out a permit....whhhheeeee who gives a damn.

There was a comment from an anti-permit(wanna be anarchist) guy on http://portland.indymedia.org message boards. In the message, a guy was saying HE was trying to explain to a women that was bitching about a guy blocking traffic about freedom of speech. Umm, yeah freedom is expressing your opinions, when you start tramping others and blocking others it's not freedom it's intrusion and you need to back the hell off! Sounds like he is the one needing a vocab lesson on freedom.

In other news, I went vegan for the week. It's hard but not as hard as quitting smoking was. Not sure if I will keep it up. I really need to get back to where I have time to exercise. I have platued. Help I've platued and I can't see my cheese cake. haha

My 2 year smokeing quit was on Nov 8 and I didn't realize it til the 12th. Yes I still get occasional cravings.


Umm for real news visit katlogtoday


I'm out. gotta paper to write. I may not be posting as often till after finals on dec 10. School is eating my brain and consuming my life

Wow! This it completely scary: Anti-Terroism computer is the label. It's essentially a web crawler that would search our personal info in search of information about terrorists.

"To deploy such a system, known as Total Information
Awareness, new legislation would be needed, some of
which has been proposed by the Bush administration in
the Homeland Security Act now before Congress. That
legislation would amend the Privacy Act of 1974,
which was intended to limit what government agencies
could do with private information. "

This is from a legit paper not some lefty sight for those of you that think I'm just some liberal conspiracy theorist.

There is going to be a Peace Rally this Sunday at 1:00pm.
For those Portlanders and near by reading this it's at pioneer courthouse square.

I am so there. Time to vent some steam by ranting cheesy anti-war jingles. The goal is to get 25000 people in attendance. The anti-bush protest when he came to town was a meree 6-8k people. Hope there are busloads coming in from other states to make up the diference. Anyone wanting to come from out of town to protest can crash at my place. I would love to see 25000 peace protesters cram downtown Portland.

Eeek, I'm procrastinating my reading again for class tonight.

Things I hate: Information running from head when a test is placed in front of me.

Getting numbers turned around

Sarah Jones If you havn't heard this woman, she is a must hear! It is her song that was banned by the fcc on a local pdx radio station. Go check her out and sign the pettition.

Homework has consumed me again. I spent my entire weekend doing nothing but that. As a result, my brain is dead.

I still feel a political cloud of gloom over my head, but am less angry(but still angry-always). This is good. I still want a protest. And I still want to grab Bush by his tighty whiteies and give him a huuuge wedgie.


Learned about some intersting music this weekend. One was a vegan rap band called Dead Prez They are like the vegan Rap equivilant to Straight Edge. I like the lyrics and want to laugh at them at the same time.

The other band was called The ApologetiX
These guys are so mother fucking funny! They take real songs and put christian lyrics to them(yes they are serious about it). My favorite song is the Real Sin Savior.

Rant of the day: Night classes. Especielly those that dim the lights and show slides when your already exhasted.

Any last shred of faith I had in Americans and humanity are gone. Wish there was some way to bail out of this country.

Until we drop the two party system and the electoral college voting for anything except democrat is the same as voting republican. Not voting does the same thing.

interesting journal entryI don't neccesarily agree but some good advice is there:

"hurting? go volunteer" Indeed!

And any Republicans out there? You are either rich and greedy, uneducated or just fooling yourself into thinking republican polititians are about anything but feeding the multi-million dollar corporations. They sure as hell don't give a flying fuck about you and will fuck you in the ass the next chance they get!


wow This is fucked up: Crowd Control Laser(not sure how valid this is. Looks like a malitia site)


This is cool and scary at the same time: Laser Shoots Missile out of the sky

But first on the good side: Cool new british hip-hop bandRoots Manuva

I went to bread and roses(home of freedom socialist party) just to here something some what sensible. They have a book discusion group tomorow night, think I will go check it out. They are discussing the book that talks about the history of freedom socialists.this is dated

This icq conversation with my girlfriend pretty much sums it up for today. She is The Girl:

cHa0sITy (8:32 AM) :
republicans got the senate, oregon house is still republican. Manix/kulingoski race is to close to be called still.
this country is going to hell
the news used these words. Bush has control of the government. that pretty much says it all

The Girl:(8:33 AM) :
i hate our country

cHa0sITy (8:34 AM) :
i am feeling very disparaged

The Girl (8:34 AM) :
fukkin reasonable people just lay down and died and let them take over

cHa0sITy (8:34 AM) :
I hate our fucking government

The Girl(8:34 AM) :
i'm pretty down on our citizenry, too, today

cHa0sITy (8:35 AM) :
no, bush cheated his way into the white house. If our real elected president was in the house we wouldn't be as concerned.

we wouldn't be in a war, and our economy would be on the up and up

The Girl(8:36 AM) :
the thing is that the american people spoke yesterday - either by voting or by not voting - and they said this is all ok with them

therefore, i want off this god damned planet

cHa0sITy (8:37 AM) :
or that it's all rigged anyhow so why bother voting. I can see why people would think that after our last presidential election.

don't talk like that baby. We could just move to Canada. Maybe one or both of us could get into Vancouver schools so we could live there.

The Girl(8:38 AM) :
indeed. and there is no real reason to vote for spineless republican-loving democrats anyhow other than to oppose the extreme right... people feel defeated...

The Girl(8:38 AM) :
canada's gonna get run over by the US anyhow. already starting to happen

cHa0sITy (8:39 AM) :
to oppose the extreme right is a good enough reason for me. We the people are being trampled.

US doesn't care enough about Canada to do that. And Canadians really hate Americans(can you blame them?)

The Girl(8:39 AM) :
the two party system is fucking us right now... to have it mean anything we'd need to have the two parties be the Republicrats and the Greens

cHa0sITy (8:40 AM) :
there are more issues than that babe.
a green party wouldn't care about workers rights or gay rights for that matter. And that would make it us against the farmers which we don't want.

ha, republicrats. I just caught that.

the 2 party system was set up at the begining of our country so that the common people wouln't have any say. It's still working.

The Girl (8:42 AM) :
this is true...

cHa0sITy (8:43 AM) :
they thought only the upper class were smart enough to make decisions for this country.

of course you could be upper class if you had any degree back then. English, Philosophy, PolySci. So maybe the upper crust was more split. Hard to say.

The Girl (8:44 AM) :
greens actually are pro-social justice and diversity... if they hadn't lost major party status they might be the least of all available evils for me...

http://www.greenpartyus.org/

cHa0sITy (8:45 AM) :
visit my link on the socialist Partythat is where it's at

The Girl(8:45 AM) :
i'll read it

cHa0sITy (8:46 AM) :
green party is a one issue platform, it will never go. The name alone will keep it from thriving

The Girl:
not one issue these days though, although they started that way.
http://www.greenpartyus.org/tenkey.html

cHa0sITy (8:49 AM) :
cool, umm socialist party and green party believe in the same shit. they need to combine. The freedom socialists to, but they won't involve themselves in politics-only revolution(naive)

Yes friends it's procrastination hour again. And It's not even a hard task that I am putting off. But playing with Nuclues is to much fun. Loooking for a good blog script? www.nucleuscms.org

Newest subtraction of my life: cheese
so I am down to shrimp and non-milk dairy if it is non-fat.
I should prolly cut out white sugar too. That will be next. It must be done. Starting Here for good vegan recipes.

Voted today: The system is fucked but I am scared not to vote. I do believe that the voting for local things still effect us. It's the national politics that are completely bought by coroporations, fuckin rigged.

Rant: People that latch on and want to hang out all the time
I want lots of time to talk and get to know a person before commintting to hanging out.

Rant II: Patronizing People

Rant III:People

It's Finally Here(not like anyone is reading this)

Rants

Nov 1

I read this article in utne reader talking about the origins of our country, Life, Liberty and the Persuit of Happiness. Isn't that what we are fighting for? Any how it talked about the origins of the flag(made by a lefty) and the star spangeled banner(minus god) was written by a lefty. It used to represent freedom not patriotism. I have to say I can see this guys point. We should take it back as the symbol it once was. Bring it protests and fly it next to the peace flag and bring back the origianal meaning of the flag. Hmm would be cool if this caught on. Then what will all those patriotic fucks wave? Bush's head on flag?

In the article the guy talks about not fearing patriotism. That's a tough one. Fear your gov't love your country while you change it. There are so many stigma's attached to the flag the make me shudder.

Rants:
This is going to be....BLEAHHHH. puke on paper(so to speak)

I'm realizing I am fucking pissed off and trying to bottle my rage. This whole Bush and War thing gets under my skin more and more every day. But I have been trying to contain my anger so it doesn't consume me. When I was 15, I learned about PETA and was sad, so I got active. I learned about Earth First when I was 16 and got angry and went to my first Tree sitting. That same year Old Bush got our country into the Gulf War. I got enraged and went to my first protest. From then on I learned more and more of the wrongs of the world, politics, coroperate scum. I stayed very active and very angry. I took it all personal, if someone disagreed with me, I took it as a personal attack. I let my rage consume me. Went through waves of chilling out and being angry. During the 8 years of Clinton I became downright apathetic. I still donated money to my favorite causes(when I could afford it), became an internet activist and still shopped responsibly, but other than that, I did little.

Now Bush has pushed his way into office and is trying to make up for his dad's failures. I was pissed when he was let into office(god knows he was not elected by us the people), and every little thing he does to help corportations and rape the environment pushes my buttons. And this fucking war on Iraq....ewwhuhhuhhuh. I could write a novel on how many ways it is a "bad thing" to do(bushism).

But this time around I have remained subdued and just tried not to listen to the news so I wouldn't get pissed(didn't work). I have been pulled to protests by friends and The Girl. But was convinced that protests just showed the general public that the freaks and hippies still disagree. Until Bush came to town. Little Beruit came back to life! Yeah!!! What a great protest. Orgaized and long with a HUGE turnout from all walks of life. So I see that protests are doing somthing to show the general public that we are all the general public and We don't want no fucking war. So again I protest and go to speaches by great political analysts (Chomsky, Parenti)but am still subdued. In the car today listening to the radio. I realize what probably looks like the obvious to who ever the fuck reads this. I am FUCKING-A pissed. I can't believe we are seeing and letting succeed, the same fucking bullshit that george hick sr. pulled in the 90's AND GETTTING AWAY WITH IT. Son of a bitch, when will the people of this country learn? This war is doing nothing but serving as a mask so george hick jr. can do what ever he wants, and pass what ever measures he wants with out any one paying attention. Not only that but it's serving as a publicity booster. If he didn't have this war, even Republicans would see what a dumb ass he is.

Now the trick is to figure out how to vent my anger with out letting it consume me again. Maybe this Blog will help

Whew.....

And on other tangents. I am fed up with these called anarachist going to peaceful protests and starting shit. It is soooo not helpful to the cause. I asked a few of them at the beginning of the Bush protest if they know the definition of Anarchy. They pretty much just said smash the gov't. Dumb asses. I should bring copies of Emma Goldman(one of my biggest inpirations) books and pass them out. Oh but I bet reading isn't cool anymore. I remeber when being a peace punk was about learning as much as possible and when protesting or tagging, being sure that the message was clear, make the statement known not just mindless destruction to vent. Which is totally how it comes off now. No one understands why shit is being defaced so what the fuck is the point, makes us all just look like dumb kids. If your going to do somthing for a reason at least be sure people know what that reason is. I have a feeling these kids don't even know, they just think it's cool to smash shit up. The punk movement is dead(duh)--it's nothing but a fasion statement that you buy in a mall so you can fit into the punk rock box. God damn I sound old. I know most out there are not in agreement with this rowdy few, but we all seem to have to explain the shit out of ourselves to make up for the stupidity of this small group.

Oct 31st

Things I really fucking hate:

Midterms on halloween

me and my extreme procrastination

The two party electoral system

Tues Oct 29,2002

These are more under the catagoy of cool and interesting:

Bhangra Music

Book Crossing A world wide book trading network
This is so sweet, if you like reading at all you should definatly visit this site.

I am just learning about this party. freedom socialists

Not sure if they are anti-porn.(hope not) Every thing else about them is looking right up my lines of thinking.


RANTS:

Our pres is an immbecile and WAR is fucking idiotic

yeah I'm stating the obvious understatement, I know

Blogger sucks
I vow never to use it.


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