Mr. Peabody



Mr. Peabody first came the US under the auspices of the student exchange program. After a few years he decided he liked it here and decided to stay. His counterpart in the exchange program is currently in a Mexican prison waiting for Peabody to return.

Shortly after his arrival in the country, Mr. Peabody was accosted at the airport by two gentlemen and hustled into the back seat of a black sedan, where he was repeatedly verbally assaulted by the two men who attempted to force him to buy their flowers. It would later be revealed that these two were none other than Video Slime and Big Eddie, LameNESS cultists/staphers of the first order. Having only a few pesos in his possession, Peabody was unable to buy flowers. The Lame staphers decided to instead recruit the impressionable student into their organization as a coder for the seminal e-mag they had been planning for many months.

They took the young Peabody to their remote camp in Idaho where he would first encountered B. Pollen, the leader of the LameNESS "staph." Over three weeks of grueling brain-washing, torture, and calisthenics, the evil designs of the Lamers became apparent to him, even as he slowly lost his ability to resist being drawn into them: they would produce a monthly magazine of propaganda designed to pollute the minds of impressionable young lamers and render them helpless to distinguish dream from reality, day from night, wrong from right, yea, funny from stupid. This magazine would be distributed electronically and it would spread like wildfire. Or a cloud of gas escaping from a sulfer mine. Or a flood of sewage from the water plant.

What he didn't know, was that they had big plans for him personally: in addition to spreading Lamity worldwide, they planned to have him learn to code in C and expose the world to his efforts. They succeeded in programming the boy, and Mr. Peabody became the senior coder for LameNESS magazine. This was a particularly cruel time for computer users everywhere, and it was at this time that the future of the C programming language come into serious question.

The world was saved by the fact that the senior staphers had done their job just a little *too well. Peabody soon began to exhibit signs of megalomania that one often associates with young lamers with their first modem, the ones that recruit their acquaintances for a "group" (usually including younger siblings) and start "cracking" and "releasing warez," usually programs that require no cracking. Indeed, this was to be Peabody's fate. No sooner had he reached a level of proficiency required to write a program that would display all the articles and pictures without crashing, than he started his own group, TEAM PEABODY, in a clear effort to dethrone B. Pollen as figurehead and guru.

It was never determined whether any of the other "members" of TEAM PEABODY actually existed, but it was obvious that Mr. Peabody would be of little use to the LameNESS staph. He was never heard from again, and it is assumed he has been committed to an institute of higher learning somewhere in the midwest, possibly the Zeos facility in Minneapolis. It is known that he has not yet returned to Mexico, where his counterpart in the student exchange program is still in custody.


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